Do you wonder if the friendships or dating relationships you have are normal? Most people are in their teens when they first begin forming close relationships. If you are dating for the first time, you may wonder if all relationships are like that or not. The following questions will help you to identify whether you are in a healthy or an abusive relationship.
Ask yourself these questions:
Does your friend, partner or family member&.
? Try to keep you away from the people you care about most or from friends you have from before you began dating?
? Embarrass you or make fun of you in front of other people?
? Make you feel afraid, or use threats to make you do what he/she wants?
? Make you feel there is no way out of the relationship?
? Make you perform sexual acts that you dont enjoy or touch you against your will?
? Threaten you with force, words, or weapons?
? Use alcohol or drugs as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
? Get really angry a lot, and you dont know why - but you feel like you are walking on eggshells all the time?
? Not believe he/she has hurt you, or blame you for what he/she has done?
? Physically force you or hurt you to do what you dont want to do?
? Threaten to hurt himself/herself, you, a pet, or people you love if you break up with him/her?
? Tell you that you are stupid, ugly, or unwanted, or put you down in other ways?
? Tell you that if only you did things differently or better, that he/she wouldnt have to hurt you?
If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.
There are many ways to get help! Each and every step you take is a WIN, no matter how small!
! Tell someone. Find a counselor who understands abusive relationships. Talk to your doctor or nurse. Tell a teacher. Tell your parents.
! Keep telling people until you find someone who believes you. Talking about dating violence or abuse is uncomfortable. Sometimes the people you tell cant handle their own feelings when they hear what you say to them. Denial is one way they cope with their feelings of fear, pain, anger, guilt and remorse. They might tell you that you are exaggerating, or that it didnt happen.
! Make a list of family and friends who could help in an emergency. Carry their phone numbers with you at all times as well as coins to make a phone call.
! Join a support group. You will find information, comfort and support from others who understand what youve been going through.
! Find out your legal rights. Violence is against the law. No one deserves to be hurt or abused. No one has a right to hurt you.
! Believe that things can get better. This may be the scariest time of your life, and once you have made a decision for yourself to leave an unhealthy or violent relationship, your strength and self-esteem will begin to grow. Its important you have the proper support behind you.
! Call your local Domestic Violence program. HAVEN offers free services, information, shelter, and support for women and men who are victims of dating violence, domestic violence, or sexual assault.
If you need help, or just want to talk to someone about abuse, call the HAVEN 24-hour hotline at (541) 298-4789 (The Dalles) or toll free at 1-800-249-4789 (Wasco, Sherman, Gilliam, and Wheeler counties).
*Adapted from PARADE, Gazette Telegraph, provided by the Nebraska Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Coalition. Dating Safety Quiz at: http://www.dvert.org/info/datingquiz.asp
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